What is body shaming? The common definition of body shaming is ridiculing, mocking, or being critical of someone's shape or size. Fat shaming and thin shaming are both very common forms of body shaming. Body shaming can also include shaming features of the body, such as weight, height, and build. Other features of the body like skin conditions, pigment, or scarring, facial characteristics, quantity of body hair, hair color, and even chosen attributes such as hairstyles, tattoos, and piercings are targets of body shaming.
Body shaming is often done maliciously--the intent is to hurt or control the target. Sometimes, the body shaming is inadvertent, like praising another for weight loss or telling them they look better with a different hair color or style of make-up.
I think body shaming is often used to make the perpetrator feel better about him or herself by putting down others. In my opinion, body shaming is used to control others by attempting to force them to conform to the masses. This is often a tactic used in the diet industry and in cosmetic and clothing marketing. "Buy our product and be thinner, prettier, happier, more popular, like our models." The thing is, there is no wrong way to have a body, and it is no one's business how you or I choose to exist in our bodies, as long as we are not harming anyone else.
I have heard people make statements such as, "She is so pretty since she lost weight." While many consider that a compliment, I see it as a statement of condition: "You are more valuable if your appearance matches my idea of what is aesthetically pleasing."
The truth is, no single person should get a say on how others look; rather the focus should shift to intrinsic (not extrinsic) features. We should celebrate kindness, generosity, wisdom, competence, and other qualities rather than focus on the facade. We should celebrate our bodies for what they can do rather than for how they look. We should accept that others have autonomy over their bodies in the space they occupy. We should try to understand that the diversity of people is something to celebrate rather than shun or mock. We should tolerate and accept our differences and the beauty that creates in our society. Conformity seems to be a way of blending in, avoiding being a target, and being a good consumer of products but conformity does not serve the individual well.
I hope to change my body-shaming behavior by withholding compliments that target physical appearance, and in stead make compliments that focus on a person's non-aesthetic qualities, "Wow, you light up the whole room with your laugh," or "You are really great at making people feel comfortable," or "Your friendship really makes my day."
I also hope to decrease my acts of body shaming by focusing on my own biases about my physical appearance and the appearances of others. I follow social media pages that support body love, self love, and kind acts rather than those that make me feel like I should compare myself or others to impossible standards of beauty. Lastly, if you have been body shamed and need support, reach out to a mental health care provider, a support group, a friend, parent, or teacher. If you are considering committing suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-8255, go to https://suicidepreventionlifeline. org/
Sarah Mears-Ivy brings 13 years of experience in the field of human sciences and advocacy.