Fill your cup: Practice one thing a day to help yourself first

I've heard the saying, "You can't pour from an empty cup" many times. I often hear the saying during self-care segment of trainings and referenced by therapists and others who are better than I am at setting boundaries and taking care of themselves.

Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder that we alone cannot solve the world's problems, help everyone, be an amazing employee, or a super-parent.

I was reminded of this when I had a particularly low day a couple weeks ago. I had been trying to meet some deadlines at my day job, meet customer expectations for my personal business, help my son get caught up on some schoolwork, support my friends, manage my relationship, take care of my home, and so on.

I was overwhelmed. My internal dialogue turned to very negative thoughts, and instead of motivating myself to plan better, take care of my needs, and say no when I cannot possibly take on more, I began to harshly criticize myself. I began to doubt my ability to effectively do my jobs, parent, even be a good friend. I felt as though I couldn't do anything well.

After a very disappointing night, I reached out to trusted friends.

I told them what I had been experiencing and explained my frustrations.

By doing this, I was able to more closely inspect what had happened: I had failed to take care of my needs first.

One friend explained it like this, "When you are on an airplane, what do they tell you to do first if the cabin loses air pressure?

Put on YOUR mask, THEN help others put on theirs. If you try to help them without first helping yourself, you won't be able to help because you will pass out due to losing air."

How often are we guilty of putting the needs of others before our own? I know I am not the only parent, daughter, employee, and friend that does this. Give and do for others until there is nothing left for ourselves.

We develop resentment toward work, family, friends. We feel isolated. We feel like nothing we do is good enough.

We remedy this by taking care of our own needs (fill our cups) before taking care of the needs/ wants of others (filling their cup).

This begins by setting boundaries with others: clearly stating what we are and are not able to do and saying no when necessary.

Next, we must learn to plan, organize, and schedule activities and obligations realistically. We must also take care of ourselves by finding ways to "recharge" like journaling, taking a personal day, treating yourself to something relaxing, going for a walk, listening to our favorite music, turning off our cell phones, etc.

The key is finding what fills your cup. I've learned that I fill my cup by journaling, getting 8 hours of sleep a night, speaking with a therapist when needed, unplugging from social media, and doing my daily physical therapy exercises to decrease back pain and increase feelings of well-being.

As spring creeps ever closer and a busy summertime approaches, I challenge those reading this to practice at least one thing a day to fill their cup.

Sarah Mears-Ivy brings 13 years of experience in the field of human sciences and advocacy.