Because nice matters: One gesture can make difference

Friends, I have noticed we are collectively struggling. Political division, unemployment, uncertainty, and living in a pandemic are all taking a toll. Tempers are short, nerves are stretched thin, sleep is troubled. We may be relying more on vices to get by, or becoming withdrawn. Loneliness and grief have plagued us this year.

When I worked in residential treatment, I worked with people who were really struggling. They were facing legal trouble, were ostracized from friends and family, were physically and emotionally unwell, and many appeared to be defeated by the mental illnesses and substance use disorders they were battling. They were lost and hurting.

My supervisor at that time had a sign hung over her office door that read “Because Nice Matters” and I asked myself why that sign, in that place? At the time, I thought maybe it meant if you were nice, good things might happen as a reward. I laugh to think I was so concrete in my thinking.

As the years have rolled by, I realize that “nice” just might save a life. I remember one painful day, when I was at a stoplight. It was a bad day. I was battling a pretty severe episode of depression and I wanted to give up. My brain was ruminating on all that was bad and awful in this world. I was crying. My body ached, and I was feeling very hopeless and helpless. I glanced at the car next to me and saw a woman looking at me. She smiled the most beautiful smile, right at me and just for me. I felt as if she truly saw me.

In that brief moment, I realized something as simple and free as a smile could momentarily break the spell the depression had cast upon me, and allow me to get my footing and continue my journey. I doubt the woman knows what a huge gift she gave me that day, but here I am, eight or more years later, writing about her beautiful smile.

We are struggling. Emotions are worn. Money is tight. We are tired of fighting this battle against one another and the COVID 19 pandemic. But we are strong, generous, and good people. Because nice matters, and that is who we are, Cordell. We are nice and can help one another get through this. If you or someone you know

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Help is there for those who need it. If your mental health is suf

If your mental health is suffering, reach out for help. There are local agencies that can help and provide quality services on a sliding scale. Find help here https://www.ok.gov/odmhsas/Additional_Information/ Communications/Find_Services_ Near_You/

There are also helpful online resources listed by the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services at https://www.ok.gov/odmhsas/ COVID-19_Resources_for_ Adults.html

Sarah Mears-Ivy brings 12 years of experience in the field of human sciences and advocacy.