The Fifth commandment:
Commandment #5: Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12) At last, a commandment that doesn’t begin with “Thou shalt not…”! Instead it makes a positive statement about the importance of family, and in particular about the treatment of parents. In doing this he also emphasized the importance of the family as the basic unit of society. Though families are important to us nowadays, they were much more important within the social structure in biblical times. Parents were the head of the family.
“Family” means both nuclear family (father, mother, sons, daughters, as well as adopted sons and daughters) and extended family (grandparents, grandchildren, other close relatives, and in-laws). Though world cultures define family relations differently, almost every culture recognizes the importance of family, particularly the nuclear family. The obvious reason for this is that parents produce children, and then they raise children, at least through the early years. The mother has a special role in nurturing babies and young children. The father has a greater role in training sons. Both parents have a role in fulfilling the instruction from Proverbs: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). In other words, moral instruction begins in the home. As adults, we display the morals we learned as children. By putting parents into the Ten Commandments, God was addressed the problem that sometimes as children grow up, they begin to disrespect and even rebel against their parents—sad, but true.
Ted Ward, my former teacher, wrote that there are three basic principles that distinguish a Christian family: love, fidelity, and responsibility. Love (care and compassion) should apply to everyone in the family. Fidelity (faithfulness) particularly applies to husbands and wives (see the Seventh Commandment), and Responsibility particularly applies to parents, to raise their children with love and good instruction.
The best source on childrearing in the Bible is the book of Proverbs. It is a book about learning wisdom and righteousness—and those two virtues go together. Proverbs emphasizes the role of both parents in giving instruction, therefore children are told to pay attention to and follow the instruction of both father and mother (Proverbs 1:8; 6:20; 31:1; 31:26). With their words and by their examples, parents teach the values of godliness: humility, honesty, generosity, kindness, love, and trust. Parents teach children the basics of right and wrong. And they teach their children to love and serve others. A theme of the book of Proverbs is that direction determines destiny. The path we choose today will determine where we will end up tomorrow. Parents help children choose good paths.
Isn’t child rearing also the role of the church? Of course, church is important. In Sunday School children learn Bible stories, and church provides activities for the whole family. But the church cannot replace parents. Maybe the most important connection between parents and church is for parents to take their children to church! Their example in doing this will shape the future behavior of their children.
Because parents are with their children from day one, they represent God to them. Children begin to learn about God by living with both of their parents. The mother represents God’s compassion and mercy (the Hebrew word for compassion is derived from the word for womb). The father represents God’s discipline (Proverbs 3:11). The Bible warns that an undisciplined child will grow up to be an undisciplined adult. If children see good role models of God in their parents, they will more easily follow God later in life. The Fifth Commandment promises a long life for those who honor their parents. In the Old Testament, the Hebrews were promised long life in the Promised Land (the land of Canaan) if they obeyed the Fifth Commandment. The Jews learned the hard way that this promise of a long life in the land was to be taken seriously. God was watching how they treated their parents: “They have treated father and mother with contempt; … they have oppressed the foreigner and mistreated the fatherless and the widow” (Ezekiel 22:7). The result of this disrespect was that the Jews were removed from their land into exile.
In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul wrote that this promise applied to Christians as well, a long life and a good life on earth (Ephesians 6:2-3). Though I assume we won’t be exiled from earth for disrespecting our parents, but it could shorten our life here.
On the flip-side, the Bible addresses the responsibility of parents to children. Paul wrote that parents should not provoke their children to anger, so as not to discourage them (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). Children need discipline, but never cruelty or abuse.
Ted Ward wrote, “Anyone with power can make others obey. But only an honorable person can expect to be honored.” Children will respect their parents and attain a better life, when their parents show love and morality in the home. So, in this way, parents also need to obey the Fifth Commandment.
The Ten Commandments are the basis of biblical morality, and the family is the basis of society. And the promise for keeping this commandment is a long and happy life! This commandment is very important!
Greg Giles is a published author, who, along with his wife Jean, has embraced the call to serve and teach around the globe. Their life together has included missionary work in Liberia, Bangladesh, teaching in China, and raising a family in Bemidji, Minnesota. Between global travels and local commitments, including serving as superintendent of Corn Bible Academy and their current part-time roles at Corn Heritage Village, the Gileses have found “home” in many places; yet, they now happily reside in retirement in Cordell.