It’s Time To Talk About Finding Support

Many people in recovery know a thing or two about facing our fears. However, we sometimes allow our fears to control us even as we work to recover.

The thing about fear is that it paralyzes. We stay in bad situations. We settle for crummy jobs. We allow others to walk all over us. We worry more about what others think about us than what is truly good for us. We look up and see our lives slipping away from us.

Before we know it, fear dominates our lives. It dictates our decisions, relationships, work, spending habits, etc. Fear isolates us from the people we love and the life we want to live. Fear even distorts the way we think about ourselves. We eat, sleep, and dream fear.

How does one begin to conquer their fears? I wish there was a formula. I can, however, share how I began to fight my fears. A number of years ago, I became very depressed and anxious. I did not know how to move forward, but knew I had to do something. I am grateful every day that I chose to get well, though it has not been simple or easy.

I started to face my fears by working the first step: I recognized and admitted that my life had become unmanageable. I knew that I was powerless over the fears that had controlled me. Then– and this was not easy–I asked for help: I asked my friends, my coworkers, my family, and a counselor for help. I had to swallow my pride and learn to draw on the strength of others to get me through the hard parts.

Next, I accepted that my fears were much bigger than me. I learned that being part of something bigger than me helped with my pain and fearful thinking. This was by no means an overnight process. It was not fun; it was painful nearly unbearable. It is so much easier to go back to an earlier state of coping than to actually face and conquer fears. Having a patient support group helped me to do those things.

Once I had a support group in place, I took a closer look at my depression and anxiety. What I found was a lot of pain, hurt, distorted thinking, and unpleasant things that my brain hid away rather than faced. I pulled all of that out and examined it using both my head and my heart. What I saw was that my brain knew what was up but my heart didn’t. I had to feel the pain and fear. I did this by setting aside time each day to work through this plethora of junk that had accumulated and grieve for the first time in my life. I grieved over my painful childhood and the chaos that was my life. I kept a journal. I used positive affirmations. I meditated and researched. I reached out to others when I needed support and help. I made an effort to make some new friends. I had a teacher tell me once that everyone needs a “herd of buffalos,” a group of friends that love me and will protect me when I am weak simply because I am me.

I encourage you to ask for help when you need it. We all need a helping hand now and again.

Sarah knows a thing or two about addiction and recovery. Daughter, sister, and friend to many wonderful people who have battled substance use disorder, codependency, and mental health stigma. Survivor. Advocate for those who are not yet ready to fight alone.